If nothing else, ALWAYS be grateful everyday. Life itself is a blessing!
If nothing else, ALWAYS be grateful everyday. Life itself is a blessing!
I often hear people say that their kids don’t misbehave with them because “they don’t play that” as opposed to their behavior when they’re around others. I don’t physically discipline (i.e. hit) my children (and they are not “unruly”). There are many people who do and feel it’s okay. While I am not here to criticize those who do, I will say I don’t feel hitting ANYONE ever helped them to be better. In fact, there are scientific studies that show using violence (verbal and/or physical) as a form of discipline only teaches children/people to be violent in order to get what they want. In my experience and through my own research, I’ve found that children who are harshly criticized or punished for displeasing behavior only hide that behavior from those who do the criticizing and punishing. ( side note: just because the behavior displeases you doesn’t necessarily make it wrong.) This is done out of fear. They are either afraid of being or feeling unloved, hit, or harshly punished. This does not equal respect or trust. When people in general feel safe they are able to be themselves completely. They tend to hold back when they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. My 11-year old son taught me this valuable lesson first and it has helped me to grow. Through observing and having open conversations with my children I am able to see things more from their perspective. Many times unpleasant behaviors are deemed as disrespectful. It’s possible that the child or person is reacting/responding to the energy you are giving off. As “authority figures” sometimes we need to check OURSELVES and evaluate the energy we give off. As humans, in general, it’s important to be aware of our behavior toward others, as their behavior toward us may very well be a reflection of that. To expect trust and respect when we don’t give it seems a bit one-sided. I do my best to make sure my children feel they can trust me to love them no matter how they behave. I may not like the behavior at times and will deal with it accordingly. However, I don’t withhold love or affection from them because of it. Children often exhibit their most undesirable behavior to those they trust he most because they know it’s safe to do so without the fear of unfair and unnatural consequences. Be love.
Some women think it’s cool or even admirable to run themselves into the ground working, going to school, being a mom, wife, etc all at once. I don’t admire anyone who does this. I am sad for those of us who feel like this is what we must do to be a success in life. I don’t feel it’s what we truly wish to be doing. No one really WANTS to be exhausted all the time. Something, usually more than one thing, is lacking. Some things aren’t getting the attention they require. If you are blessed with children they suffer greatly in such an environment. They may not be vocal about it for a number of reasons. Not expressing one’s feelings doesn’t negate their existence. You come home tired from a long day and the least mistake they make you’re ripping their head off. Not because what they’ve done was so terrible or because you’re “mean mommy”, but because you’re exhausted and don’t have the energy, mental nor emotional capacity to properly deal with what happened. If you are trying to maintain a relationship (marriage or otherwise) that suffers as well, as you don’t have the time and energy to nurture it as needed. You’re either too tired for sex or if you do make it happen it’s mediocre. You may be emotionally drained so you become easily frustrated by petty things he or she may do and say. These are just examples. These may not fit your exact situation but they’re very real for many.
Do you know who suffers the MOST from all of this? YOU!!!! The wear and tear on your mind, body, and spirit is beyond! These celebrities make it look easy honey! Then you hear or read about them being admitted to a hospital for exhaustion. Or going to rehab for drugs, which they usually take to keep up with their hectic schedules or to hide pain, and alcohol abuse. Or they’re getting a divorce. Here you are trying to replicate this lifestyle, buying into this facade of being superwoman (the standard we as a society has set for ourselves to compete with men).
There are a very select few who do benefit greatly from women being SUPERWOMAN. They get very rich off of women working themselves sometimes literally to death. We keep hospitals in business with the development of disease which stems from our constant stress and unhealthy eating habits. Pharmaceutical companies make a ton from medicines prescribed to us for the diseases we’re diagnosed with. Psychiatrists and psychologists are kept busy “helping” with our problems we have or our children’s issues they have developed sometimes due to the absence of proper parental guidance. Let’s not leave out the police departments and prisons that benefit from the arrest of the “street pharmacist” who provides “relief” to those trying to numb pain in their lives. The rehab facilities that are happy to admit addicts who abuse alcohol and the drugs prescribed to them by doctors are making a killing, especially where celebrities are concerned. The list goes on…
Gone are the days when women got to enjoy just being a mom. How about when women had a choice of whether they wanted to work outside of the home? Today some women feel they don’t have a choice. We make our lifestyle work around our careers instead of our careers working around our lifestyle. Thankfully I am able to do what I love from the comfort of my home and enjoy mommyhood and explore who I am. Being a woman in this world can be stressful, if you allow society’s ideal of what that means, to dictate your life.
None of this is to say that life would be perfect, relative to our romanticized ideal of perfection, if not for the superwoman mentality. As a mother of two boys, a wife, and a woman who once lived this way, I’m saying it’s okay (and possible) to take time to find what you LOVE and pursue it on your own terms. It took many years and a great change in my family dynamic to realize this. I’ve been through what felt like the worst life had to offer and come out of it the wiser. My journey has meant sometimes going without having the things I wanted in order to pursue my dream of being a devoted mom and having my dream life. I say dream LIFE because “career”, to me, is very limiting. I have many gifts I’d love to give and refuse to limit myself to only exploring one thereby making it my “career”. I’m simply saying (using a ton of cool words and phrases LOL) that…
Being a woman IS super! Period. EMBRACE THAT!
Don’t ever place me on a pedestal. Let me be who I AM. Otherwise, you will ever see disappointment once standards you set for me aren’t met. You don’t know who I AM. That’s ok. That’s the fun part. As life progresses, you discover a little more. I don’t know ALL of who I AM, yet my foundation is solid because I do know whence I come. The journey of discovery is amazing! Though, the shell in which I reside is finite, I AM of infinite energy. Therefore, who I AM is infinite. ~ A.Y.D.
So I haven’t blogged in quite some time. I’ve been super busy as I am now homeschooling both of my children, which is kind of the topic of today’s post. I’ve always felt, even as a child, that the school system is very flawed. It’s in desperate need of total reform.
My 10 yr old is an intelligent kid as are most children when left to be themselves. It’s beyond me how since kindergarten, he’s been forced to work below his potential, despite off the charts test scores. Reading at a 12th grade level since the 1st grade, you’d think they would have a program for children who perform at higher rates than most…oops they do. They just wouldn’t allow him in. Although in public school, I also taught him at home. After 3 years of persistent efforts to encourage schools he needed to be challenged, I’ve withdrawn him and decided to educate him myself.
My 5 year old has never been in the school system. I saw early on that it wasn’t for him and after what I’d been through with my oldest, I refused to repeat that cycle.
In my heart of hearts, I feel all children are little scientists and have brilliant minds. They are ever curious and generally excited to explore and learn new things. I’ve observed many children and have witnessed this! It’s when we start telling them what and how to see, think, and feel, that they lose or forget independent thinking. Schools are a huge part of this.
Critical thinking is paramount if we are to live and be self sufficient in this world. Yet schools don’t afford our children this opportunity. Children are told to sit and be quiet. They are told how to look at things, which strips away their own perspective.
Sitting and writing and taking tests is NOT how children learn. Most only memorize the information given to them long enough to pass a test and then forget it. Our education system doesn’t give students enough time to master things. Their goal is more to beat out other countries in standardized testing than actually educating our young. Never mind the fact that some students grasp material faster than others or that most of them learn differently than how they’re taught. My son tests at least 2 grades ahead in Math. He was having issues at one point with the way his teacher instructed on how to solve problems. He got the correct answers having done the problems the way he understood. Still, he was penalized for not doing them as instructed even after informing the teacher that he was more comfortable with the way he knew.
Now that he’s at home, he’s is flourishing. He’s doing Math at a level that challenges him and actually enjoys learning. He’s allowed to CHOOSE what he’s interested in and learn about it. I feel when children like what they’re learning, they retain the knowledge better.
There are many parents and teachers who are fed up with the way our school systems are run but are afraid of the repercussions of speaking up. The future of our world depend on our youth. If we continue to allow the same regime, we can’t complain about the state of our world. We must stand up for our children and the teachers who actually want to teach. Teachers must take a stand for themselves and their students if things are to get better. Although my children are homeschooled, I’m still fighting for complete school reform because ALL children matter and we must be the voice for them as the school system doesn’t seem value theirs because they’re children.
As always thank you for reading and your comments are more than welcomed!
There is a standard set
By men and society
For women because they’ve been
Taught to hate variety
They prefer blonde hair blue eyes
Long hair flowing down your back
Light skin, thick thighs
Unless you have that you’re considered wack
Women set your own standard
Stop trying to be what they want to see
Killing yourselves for their delusions of grandeur
Stand up and be who you want to be
Im a phenomenal woman says Maya
Just the way I am wouldn’t you say
If you could handle that I could set your world on fire
But you can’t, you’d rather us all look the same
I’ve read in many different places and heard from many sources about how adults feel like this generation of children need to be “handled”. Many people believe our children’s behaviors are out of control. Are we here to “control” other humans though? I happen to not share those sentiments. Here’s a question: Do you know that every generation before this one had their predecessors say the very same thing about them? So does that mean that everyone who has ever existed was out of control? Maybe things are exactly how they are supposed to be. Life is about change and progression.
Most people apparently don’t embrace change well. Some see change as this big bad “devil” or something that isn’t supposed to be happening because they don’t like it and/or it’s not what they’re accustomed to. In my experience, I discovered that life isn’t about our comfort. In the face of discomfort is where the greatest blessings emerge from. Most don’t see it as such because we’re too busy resisting.
I feel that each generation comes to bring a different light into the world. There can’t be light without “darkness”. When will the elder generation realize that light and dark are two sides of the same coin? Life can’t exist without both. I feel that our younger generations are here to heal rather than harm even if it doesn’t seem that way to those who don’t understand. They came to break down this rigid system of beliefs and rules that are no longer necessary and that no longer work. It’s highly possible that the behaviors of this generation anger people so much because they actually trigger emotions and thoughts that they themselves harbor and/or suppress from past instances in which they may have been hurt.
One of my favorite quotes from Dr. Wayne Dyer is: “Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life”. Have you thought to change your perspective on things and tried to be more understanding and less resistant to the changes that are happening with each generation? We don’t grow without change. Life progresses whether we like it or not.
Does this generation need to be handled? I say no! I say the parents raising the children need to pay more attention to them. They need to offer them more love and understanding instead of trying to mold them in ways that are convenient for themselves rather than in their child’s best interest.
Parenting can be more than frustrating at times, but also deeply rewarding. I have two children of my own and there have been and will be many frustrating moments. We make the choice to bring these people into the world. They are not ours to own and mold into who we want them to be. Children are individuals who need our guidance so that they may grow to be thriving, self-sufficient, and loving adults in a society that strives to make them all the same.
We sometimes project our own inner weaknesses onto children instead of dealing with them head on. By looking within, we’re forced to see and deal with that hurt and weakness. Every parent does the best they can with what they have. I truly believe that. When you don’t have love for self you can’t give love. It’s much easier to blame the children of this generation than to look at yourselves and see your role in what’s happening. I feel that things happen exactly as they’re supposed to. LIFE is what’s happening and some have gotten so comfortable with only one part of life that they refuse to accept the other parts. God/Life/Source doesn’t make mistakes. If you really believe that, how can you say that anything is “right” or “wrong”? God is everything and everywhere. It’s not exclusive to those who “believe” or call it by a certain name. Look within and allow life to happen. See how by “handling” yourself you can heal what’s “broken”. Passing judgment on others (children or otherwise) won’t do the job.
Join the convo in the comments! Your opinions and thoughts are welcomed.